Get A Hold Of Yourself
by RizGriz
Summary: Harry gets sent back to the Dursley's, & it is mandatory for him to return to Hogwarts. Dudley goes too, but it's fine, right?Everything starts getting loaded onto harry, he thinks it'll be fine, but someone sees that it won't be. How Will Harry Cope With Post War Life? TEDDY! PTSD! Eighth Year fic. NOT ON HIATUS! HAS A BETA! Thx jeragon & witchyagender! Part 1!
1. It All Begins

Get a Hold of Yourself

Chapter One: It All Begins (revised)

 _ **Two days after the battle of Hogwarts-**_

"All those who are seventeen or younger are going to be sent back to their legal guardians until further notice in the wake of the final battle and the hope of recuperation." Kingsley Shacklebolt, new Minister of Magic, stood in the center of the mass of students and staff as he proclaimed a mandatory act to relocate as many children away from the wreckage as possible.

Kingsley, along with a small council, had decided it was in everyone's best interest, despite the seventeen year olds being legal adults, to have parental supervision. Unfortunately, Harry was lumped in with everyone else, which meant that he was being sent back to the Dursley's…

 _ **Later at the Dursley's-**_

Everyone had been sent home via the floo network leaving Harry all the more grimy, but that didn't matter. As soon as he had stepped into the empty house at Number 4, Privet Drive, the weight of the past nearly eight years began seeping into his bones as his muscles gave way under the crushing exhaustion. He just sat in the corner, alert as ever, eyes darting to all the doors, awaiting the arrival of the Dursley's.

After a few hours, the front door creaked open as Vernon Dursley walked into his home, for the first time in nearly a year, and turned to the sitting room only to find his nephew sitting in the corner. All three of the Dursley's became rooted to the floor, stuck under the piercing of a silent warrior, who looked as though he had been through hell and back and nearly burnt alive judging by the soot grim covering him. The only clear parts were a few dried tear tracks running down his cheek.

"I am being forced to stay with you over the summer. There's nothing you can do about, or else I wouldn't be here…." Harry trailed off at Vernon's disapproving glare. He had stated it all quite clearly having felt preamble was not necessary.

"Why should he take you in again, Boy?" bit back Vernon, taking a step further into the room as if to challenge Harry.

"I really don't want to be here, just so you know." Harry let out a half sigh with his eyes glazing over jut the slightest bit at his next words. "I would much rather be with my godson, but beggars can't be choosers, can they?" harry shook the slightest bit to bring himself back to the land of the conscious. He clearly felt adamant about being placed back with the Dursley's, but the dead look in his eyes told them that he was just too tired to fight about it.

"It doesn't matter if you want me here or not, the Ministry does, so, _suck's to be you._ " Sarcasm dripped off his final words.

Heaving himself off the floor, Harry made his way up the stairs as Vernon and Petunia angrily whispered about it all.

He did not sleep that night...

 _ **A week after The Battle-**_

"Aunt Petunia, you and I both know that I can't leave the property without a guardian (an official letter explaining all the rules had been sent out to all the families affected), and I would like to see my godson. If you don't mind, it wouldn't be long." He clearly wanted to leave, had for a few days, to see some precious child that Petunia and Vernon highly doubted even existed.

"I will give you the same answer as yesterday, no." she said haughtily and walked away.

Petunia and Vernon had done everything in their power to make sure the boy knew he was not welcome. So far, he had only asked for one thing, to be accompanied to visit the child. Vernon was sure it was Harry's child, but was pretending it was his godson for show…

 _ **Two weeks after The Battle-**_

Harry and Andromeda had exchanged a few letters and agreed that she would come to Surry. Previously, Harry had explained (in the way least incriminating to the Dursley's) that he could not come to her and Teddy, and that he was very sorry he was unable to visit. She had quickly dismissed the idea that he should not see his own godson and promptly made plans to bring the tiny child to Harry.

A knock sounded and Harry was sent to answer it. When he opened the door, a smile spread across Harry's face for the first time in a very long time. Andromeda stood before him with a bundle of blankets and child in her arms. She walked into the sitting room before passing the baby onto Harry to cradle in his arms.

His face lit up as he silently cooed to Teddy while swaying back and forth. Teddy's bright eyes watched the boy holding him with trepidation and curiosity. Then-

Aunt Petunia walked in, stopped dead in her tracks, and let out a huff of annoyance.

"Who are you and what do you think you are doing in my home?" her question stilled the whole room as she glared at Harry and the bundle in his arms.

"I said that you could not see that child, Harry Potter." Sternness ran through her voice, piquing Andy's interest. "If you got some girl pregnant, then it's not my fault, do you hear me?"

"He did no such thing, Ms." Spoke Andy, "this is his godson, and he has half custody of the child." She stated matter-of-factly.

"I don't care what this boy has told you, but no one would name him godfather of any child. And it's Mrs. Dursley to you!" Petunia was particularly offended.

" _Mrs. Dursley_ , my late daughter and son-in-law _just happened_ to name him Godfather." Replied Andy, sarcasm etched in her voice.

 _Harry only saw Teddy twice more that summer….._

 _ **One week before the start of school-**_

"Boy, a letter came for you by some ruddy owl!" Uncle Vernon called to Harry who was cleaning the upstairs bathroom.

Coming downstairs to get the letter, Harry hoped it wasn't the Daily Prophet or The Ministry. Turns out, it was neither. It was Hogwarts…

 _Mr. Harry J. Potter;_

 _An official decree was been released that states that yourself and your peers are to attend your final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You are to be at Platform 9 ¾ on September 1_ _st_ _of this year. This is non-negotiable._

 _We await your arrival;_

 _Headmistresses Professor McGonagall, Ministry of Magic_

He was not sure if he really wanted to go and had been debating it all summer, but apparently his decision had been made. In some ways it made him happy that the decision no long rest on his shoulders, but….

Then he noticed the owl had yet to leave and still had another letter tied to it. It was for Dudley…

Harry read it before anyone could see who it was addressed to.

It said that Dudley had been left out of the school registry under Dumbledore's orders so Harry would have had no interference from his family. Dudley, it turned out was also such a weak wizard that he would have struggled immensely if he had attended…

 **September 1** **st** **, Kings Cross Station-**

"It's really simple, Dudley. Just walk right through the post that says platform 9. If you're nervous, you should take it as a run, but be warned, when you cross there is going to be a lot of people. All of them are witches and wizards, so mind what you say and be polite." Harry stood at his cousin's shoulder instructing him on how to get to the Hogwarts Express. It was all simple, but he made sure to explain in detail so Dudley would understand and Petunia and Vernon could hear as well.

Harry went first for Dudley to see and so he could get away from them as much as possible. As soon as he came through, Harry spotted the Weasley's and rushed over. Mrs. Weasley enveloped him in a true mother's hug. Taking a step back to inspect Harry, Molly placed a hand on each side of his face and turned it back and forth before nodding in satisfaction.

The Dursley's came over just as Molly released Harry's face. Dudley and Petunia kept quiet (although a disapproving look crossed over Petunia's face), but Vernon snorted at the attention Harry had received and allowed with no comment. At the snort, Molly shot a venomous look at the man, effectively silencing him.

Before they knew it, everyone was whisked away onto the Express. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley found it especially difficult to let go of two of their children and the two they all but adopted. The Dursley's found it just as hard to let go of their only child, not even knowing of the things that had happened at Hogwarts the year before.

Just before the train left, Harry leaned out the window of the compartment and yelled:

"I promise no basilisks, trolls, spiders, or Umbridges get him!" to the Dursley's. Needless to say they did not take that well.

Just as Harry was losing sight of the platform he could glimpse Vernon and Petunia manically pestering Mr. and Mrs. Weasley about what an Umbridge was. The Weasley's were refusing to answer.

Harry was slightly smiling, but inside he still felt the anger, sadness, numbness, and all around depression that had lingered with him since he faced Quirrell in 1st year. He felt as though this year would be filled with a different type of battle. One that he was not prepared for. Not that he ever had been before…

A/N: So that was chapter one! Think this is going to be a calm school year where boring stuff happens like so many other 8th year fic? Not a chance in hell! So, yeah, I'm gonna make Harry such a sad case of stuff…. *breathes deeply with smile across face* *reclines in chair* this is gonna be good…. *smiles evilly*


	2. Homes, Classes, & Lock-Outs

Get a Hold of Yourself

Chapter Two: Homes, Classes, and Lock-Outs Galore!

 _Thank you to both_ rspringb _and_ InvaderL _for commenting! Also,_ InvaderL _I just want to say that Petunia isn't_ as _mean as I meant for her to come across as, but, whatever. Also, the summer months were VERY hurried because I always hate when people spend like five chapters on summer, and it wasn't where the story was going. Sorry if you wanted more summer but there will be jump backs to summer to explain why everything is as it is!_

 _ **First Day of Term-**_

McGonagall slowly but surely walked down the Gryffindor table handing out schedules. When she reached Harry, she noticed his schedule had small notes from his teachers written below almost every class. This year he would be taking Transfiguration, Potions, Charms, DADA, Astronomy, Muggle Studies, and Care of Magical Creatures. It was a full load of classes and it seemed as though every teacher, save Hagrid, Richens, Flitwick, and herself, wanted to speak to the boy about the class…

Regardless, the professor handed over the schedule and moved on. However, the extra notes did not go unnoticed be the student in question. All his teachers had asked to meet with him before his first class of term to 'discus your education.'

The first meeting was in five minutes, so Harry up and left the Great Hall in a great hurry. Rushing up and down stair, through halls, and asking one grumpy portrait where he was, harry made it to his DADA professor's classroom.

"Professor Kendricks, It's Potter, you wanted to talk to me, Sir?" harry said into what seemed like an empty room.

Suddenly, someone grabbed him from behind, wrapping an arm around his neck, and pulling him backwards making him stumble. Harry elbowed whoever had a hold on him in the ribs before landing a blow on the persons toes, followed by lifting the arm enough to get a good bite in.

"Hey, hey, hey! Stop, kid! I'm just testing you!" cried the teacher.

Harry let go immediately mumbling his apologies while secretly hoping that this DADA professor wouldn't even last half the year…

"Geez, you took an awfully muggle approach to that," noted Kendricks as he rubbed his arm from the bite mark. "We've got to change that."

He seemed far too happy about the idea of changing something….

"So, look, kid," Kendrick now sat behind his desk and motioned for harry to sit on the other side. "After everything you've done, I would expect better grades. Now I understand you were very busy every year, but this just won't work for me, understand?"

Harry nodded, not saying a word, knowing what kind of person this man was.

"This year I'm gonna make you prove your worth in this class. Now the Ministry wants to try out a new way of grading where everything counts to your grade. Everything you turn in will either be a plus to grade or a minus to your grade. I expect you to carry a solid O. Understood?"

"Yes, sir." Harry knew that this man would be the bane of his existence for a year… no reason to piss the guy off…

Every teacher had said basically the same thing (well, without the attack and more focus on the Ministry's new policy and their expectations.). Because he had 'proven himself capable of great knowledge and intellect' they expected him to carry an O in each of their classes. Each teacher seemed oblivious of the others who expected the same, and before he knew it he had three classes with necessary O's and four that still had no idea what was in store…

 _ **First Muggle Studies Class-**_

"So the year before last we went through a fast paced version of elementary school. This year we are going to do Middle/High school. Same as then, we will be using muggle computers and have charmed internet. The internet to complete your work will be available in the library, common rooms, and dormitories. Each of you will get a laptop and headset. Your internet will be tracked. If you go somewhere inappropriate, I will be informed and will look through you browser history. You cannot delete anything from you browser history! Your grade in this class will depend on you grade there. You will turn in your weekly grade to me for credit. Come get your supplies, then you are dismissed!" with that, students began filtering up to receive a laptop.

Meanwhile, harry was trying not to freak out. He had always been rubbish at math.

' _Why does everyone have to hate me this year?'_

 _ **The Second Day of Term: Evening-**_

An owl hooted, from its outcropping on the window ledge, for someone to let it in so as to deliver the post. Ginny opened the lower pane for the bird and it instantly flew to Harry, dropped its letter, and left in a flurry of beating wings and formality.

It was a Gringotts owl.

Opening the letter, harry pulled out the slip of paper and read it with baited breathe.

The letter stated that since his withdraw needed for school had been made, any and all accounts under his care were being lumped into the pool of old families who's accounts were being locked-down until further notice.

All harry could do was release the breath he had been holding. This situation would royally suck…

 _ **Earlier that Summer-**_

Harry stood, pacing, as he contemplated what he was going to do with 12 Grimmauld Place. An idea had struck him during one of his many sleepless nights. It had donned on him that with all the casualties of war, there would be children left with nowhere to go. So why not make 12 Grimmauld Place into a home for orphaned and disowned children.

He had immanently owled Luna for help making a plan. She was a Ravenclaw after all…

A reply had reached him by morning with plans to reach out to the ministry and clear out 12 Grimmauld. 12 would be cleared out further before the children would come in, but it would take funds from someone to start the ball rolling.

Harry then wrote Gringrots about have a fairly large sum of money transferred into a new account made that would be the funds for the new Home. Within days the news had spread that a Children's Home was being opened and donations poured in. No one knew Harry Potter, Savior of the Wizarding World, was behind the entire idea, and was going to be running it from afar.

People Harry trusted and had found complete backgrounds on were placed in charge of caring for the many children. It started with ten Guardians and fifteen children. Then the number of children rose to twenty, and then thirty, forty, and finally stopping at fifty-five children with still only ten Guardians.

One of the Guardians, (all of them were referred to as 'Guardian' and then the name of the adult) Guardian Emily, requested the second two-way mirror (Alberforth had given it back to Harry when there was no long a need for it) so the information, needed by both harry and the Guardians, could be passed back and forth more quickly.

Harry handled everything financial. He paid all the bills, set budgets, figured out what to do when the budget would, inevitably, need to be adjusted due to an influx of children coming under their care. He did it all. And he was fairly good despite his poor math skills.

All the work and thought kept him busy on during the many nights when sleep endlessly evaded him…

 _ **Evening of Second Day of Term: Post Letter-**_

"Look, the water and oil bills are due in two weeks. We don't have time for this! You have to go to the Bank and talk them into letting your account go, and allow donations come into the House's account, Harry." Emily spoke frankly and frantically as she worried her lip. It had barely been two hours, but already harry knew they would be in trouble if funds didn't keep their flow of in and out.

"The goblins won't listen to me after what happened to their dragon. I think that may be part of the reason they're doing this..." Harry spoke softly, already knowing he would have to talk to Luna about what he should do next.

Luna and Harry had gotten much closer once he started go to her for advice. Despite having a slightly disconnected personality, Luna could solve a problem in strange ways that would tend to work themselves out in the end. After the dust began settling, Luna seemed to have lost her light. But soon after Harry began sending her ideas for the Home, and even just asking her if she had rid her father of the nargles that had surely surrounded him during his time of panic, she had livened up, even if just a little. In fact, her father had sent Harry a letter in joyful scribbles of how she had insisted he wear several cork necklaces.

"Well you have to do something, Harry!" cried Emily, who instantly calm herself when one of the smaller children came into the room to nuzzle into her side, peering into the mirror.

"I'm gonna talk to Luna, see if she has any ideas" He let out a sigh as he put the mirror away.

…

Walking up to Ravenclaw Tower, Harry hoped dearly that Luna was not inside. Just the day before, Harry had been stuck outside the tower for thirty minutes before she came out for pudding…

Luckily, Luna was making her way outside when harry came into the Entrance Hall. The two walked for some time while he explained everything that Emily said needed to be done, and Luna read the letter.

"Harry, I think some of the Guardians need to get jobs until this 'further notice' thing works itself out." sincerity was written in her eyes. She knew what was at stake if they lost funds for the Home.

People would say that it was all just a scheme and Harry's name would be drug through the mud. Even the 'Savior of the Wizarding World' wasn't safe from being bashed in the news…

 **A/N:** So that was chapter TWO! YAY! So I know that the first line of the description didn't make too much sense in the first chapter, but this chpt should have made it much clearer and it will only continue to do so.

Also, the only reason I'm calling those people 'Guardians' is because I needed something to call them and it refer to ALL the people working there.

 _ **I KNOW MOST OF YOU PROBS WANTED DUDLEY TO BE SORTED, BUT I PROMISE HE BECOMES A MORE RELIVENT CHARACTER AND YOU WILL FIND OUT WHAT HOUSE HE IS IN!**_

 _ **R &R… Sirius-ly… Do it.**_


	3. St Mungo's

_Other Notes:_

 _ **IMPORTANT TO STORY! READ BELOW!**_

 _In this story, everyone got onto the Express on a Saturday, and that is the first day of term. So harry got his schedule and visited his DADA professor on Sunday, even though I said that it was the first day of term. It's actually the second._

 _ **Hold Yourself Together: Teachers List:**_

 _Hagrid: Care of Magical Creatures_

 _Richens: Muggle Studies_

 _Kendricks: DADA_

 _Trelawney: Astronomy_

 _Scotts: Potions_

 _McGonagall: Transfiguration_

 _Flitwick: Charm_

 _So I had a wonderful Guest reviewer last chapter who had such great points, and I'm here to user them that just because we are now at Hogwarts, doesn't mean that we won't have pieces about the summer. Infact, that is why I chose this format! I can revisit any time I like, and let you know that I have changed time. I haven't missed anything because I'm not done exploring the summer._

 _Also, I don't have a beta, but I have Word so I spell better, but I just don't bother going back and fixing the capitalization. I know it sounds lazy, but, whatever, this is the fastest I have ever written anything. I do all the writing and editing in about 2-3 hours straight, so…._

 _Thank You!_

 _ **Sorting Ceremony-**_

As it turned out, there was about four muggle-borns who had been left out of the Hogwarts roster. All for different reasons of course (only Dudley had been held back because of Harry), and Professor McGonagall explained all of this, leaving out why Dudley had been held back, to the students of Hogwarts.

So there they stood, waiting with the rest of the First Years, too be sorted into a House. After a few minutes, Dudley was called and took his place on the stool with the Sorting Hat plopped onto his head. The Hat took a few moments of silent deliberation before calling out-

" _GRYFFINDOR!"_

-to the whole assembly.

Dudley hurriedly took his place at the crimson adorned table, a few places from Harry.

"This is good thing, right?" asked Dudley, a nervous sweat breaking out on his brow.

"yeah, it's a good thing," answered harry, who couldn't really have cared less, just as long as he made sure Dudley made sure not to mention anything about their shared childhood.

Harry had known since the moment he read that letter, that Dudley would be hounded for details about Harry's life. And no one needed to know about the cupboard…

 _ **Two Weeks into Terms-**_

An owl sat on Harry's bed awaiting the boy. Classes had just let out for the day, and harry climbed the stairs to the dormitory he shared with Ron, Neville, Dean, Seamus, and now Dudley. The owl that sat on his bed was snow white, and, for the faintest of moments, harry believed it to be Hedwig, and even made to stroke it and call in a sweet nickname. But alas, it was not, and left harry with the memory of The Battle of the Seven Harrys (as it had been dubbed) and an empty feeling in his chest upon remembering his steadfast companion.

Then, just as always, he pushed down those feelings and took the letter from the bird before sending it away. The letter was from Andy.

 _Dearest Harry,_

 _I find myself needing mental help. I will check myself into St. Mungo's, for mind healing, this Sunday. I am very sorry to place this on you, but Teddy will need to be put under your guardianship for the time being. I will wait for you to come before admitting myself. I hope to see you that morning._

 _With My Deepest Regrets and Thanks,_

 _Andromeda Black_

The world stopped.

On top of everything his teachers had loaded onto him, the awaiting job (although no one knew about that), and Quidditch, he would have to become the parent of this baby.

' _Stop it, harry!'_ He told himself. _'Teddy needs someone to take care of him, and you said yes to Remus when he asked you to be his Godfather.'_

Taking a deep breath, Harry steadied himself to write to Andy and assure her he would be there to take Teddy when she was ready, and that he didn't need to know anything about what had pushed her to take action on her mental health. He understood it was private.

All harry knew was that he would need to speak with McGonagall…

 _ **Two Weeks into Term, Post Letter from Andy-**_

Harry sat in a secluded window seat with the school provided laptop open on his lap as he struggled through the math section of his Muggle Studies. It was disheartening to think that kids much younger than him could breeze through the same work that took him hours to complete.

Even though the courses were all fast paced and left out quite a bit of information, it still took a surprising amount of time.

While he had thought about that, his eyes had unfocused leaving him to blink away the tiredness that had already settled into his muscles. He had spent the last few nights awake so he could finish his weekly amount of work for Muggle Studies. Also, his DADA, Astronomy, and Potions teachers had all assigned him extra quizzes, essays, and tasks to complete.

Kendricks (DADA) had insisted that he was capable, and just had never cared enough. Trelawney believed him to be an excellent starveyor, so she had signed him onto her extra credit study group, which happened to take place at midnight. And Scotts (potions) had tried to live up to his predecessor in assigned workload. He also made it clear that he would also accept anything less than an O.

Unfortunately, he needed all those classes to go into Auror training, so the Ministry had put him into all those classes before he even had his say…

 _ **Two Weeks into Term, Post Math-**_

Having just finished math, harry sat thinking about where money for 12 Grimmauld Place would come from. Some donations would come straight through the mail, but they still needed more money. Then it hit him.

Quickly, he googled where he could get a job in London that was not very far from Number 12. There was a dance studio that needed an unskilled worker, and the best part was that it paid well. At nine dollars and change per hour, it would definitely help The Home greatly. And the only times they needed him were 4:00 to 8:00 from Monday through Saturday.

He would make _$219.6_ per week.

' _Not bad…'_

 _ **Third Week of Term, Monday Afternoon-**_

Harry walked, silently blending into the crowd of people surrounding him at all sides. He went unnoticed as he steadily made his way to the dance studio, gazing at the world around him. No one ever took a second look at him, he was just that unnoticeable. In the muggle world, that is.

He stopped and glanced up at the sign which proudly stated that he was at the right place. Walking inside, harry spoke for a short while to the main instructor about what he needed to do and how to do it. It was all simple although harry doubted he would be able to clean the different shoes as fast as the woman.

She was about as tall as harry, barely breaking '5 1", and lean with brown hair and soft, precise eyes. Soon she went back to her work as harry began his.

Slowly, but steadily harry made his way through every shoe as well as helping the instructor lace up the shoes of all the children who came through the door for a lesson after school.

He couldn't help but feel as though this would be an easy rhythm to slip into.

Walking to Grimmauld Place after his shift, the sky steadily darkened with every thump of his dirty, old, and fraying Converse. Before long he took off running. The sting of the air in his lungs felt good as he flew past buildings and streets, but long before he wanted it to end, he came upon 11 and 13 Grimmauld Place.

He had paperwork to take care of while he was already in London, and he wanted to see how much the Guardians had cleaned up…

 _ **Forty-Eight Hours Before-**_

"I understand that this is a… strange situation, but it is my responsibility." Harry said, sitting before McGonagall in her new office. It looked completely different, not having all the little thing-a-mi-jigs that had once had a home inside the cramped space.

"I do understand, Mr. Potter. And I believe that you should be available to the Guardians working at 12 Grimmauld Place. You have my approval to leave Hogwarts whenever necessary. You may go to bed now, Harry." A small smile graced the lips of the elderly professor as though looking down upon a grandchild who had pleased her greatly. It felt reassuring.

Although, harry was a long way from going to bed. Kendricks had given him a two roll report due the next morning …

 _ **Second Week of Term, Sunday Morning, St. Mungo's-**_

The waiting room at St. Mungo's was packed full of witches and wizards awaiting news of a friend or loved one whereas harry sat in anticipation of a loved one yet to come in. scanning to room, Harry's eyes fell upon Andy at the service desk looking disheveled while holding a bag and baby.

She spotted harry as he came towards her. She immediately passed Teddy over and spoke hurriedly.

"He eats four ounces ever two hours. He's beginning to teethe, so give him the pacifier and bounce him until it passes. If it's really bad, dip your finger in some rum or something and wipe it on his gums."

Her whole body screamed of franticness and fatigue that ran deep into her soul.

She placed a kiss on Teddy's and then Harry's cheek before thanking Harry, telling Teddy she loved him while she hurried back to the desk. Harry watched her being ushered away before harry picked up the bag she had left at his feet and flooed into Hogsmeade…

 _ **One Week into Term, Wednesday-**_

Harry made his way down the halls of Hogwarts with some of his fellow Gryffindors as they trudged to their Common Room. Uttering the password, _victory_ , they went their separate directions.

"Hey, Potter, you're Quidditch Captain again?" called out one kid as harry was about to up the stairs to the boys dorms when he stopped in his tracks, thought for a second, turned to the kid who addressed him, before going to inspected the Quidditch Tryouts bulletin.

He had been put down as the Quidditch Captain this year and the one to see for tryout details.

"I guess," was all harry could sigh out.

' _I think I'm gonna need Ginny for this,'_ was all harry could think…

 _ **Fourth Week of Term, One Week After Harry Got Teddy-**_

Harry done everything Andy had said, but teddy still screamed into his ear as he was being bounced. It felt like he was going to go deaf if Teddy did not stop soon. But alas, harry was still studying for potions, and when he was done with that he had DADA to finish up.

Harry had spent all his time studying, writing, working, caring for teddy, managing Number 12, going to class, or eating in the kitchens to make up for the lack of sleep. He had all but given up on sleep. Between the night terrors, a screaming baby, and need to complete his work, sleep had fallen somewhere between _'bare-minimum'_ and _'not-necessary-at-all.'_

He had become skilled at casting silencing charm, as well, so teddy's piercing screams would not wake his fellow Gryffindors. If they were woken at all hours, he would only find himself a place in the dungeons. And then he would have the Slytherins to deal with.

' _And this is just the beginning, I'm sure…'_

 _Other Notes: When I say that the potions professor is trying to live up to his predecessor, I mean Snape, not Slughorn._

 _Also, I understand the rubbing some alcohol on a bay's gums seems strange but it's what people used to do, and Andy is kinda old fashioned._

 _And I promise the next chapters will be more emotional. The first three are just foundation, but if you think this is all I'm gonna throw at Harry, you're wrong 'cause no sleep makes things about 100% harder._

 _Also, Harry is making $9.15 per hour .Over paid, I know, but I wanted to give him a break somewhere…_

 _ **Also, I'm gonna change the picture regularly because there are just too many fitting one! AAAHHH!**_

 _ **R &R, its Nevi-lle too late…**_


	4. Maybe It's Friday The 31st?

**Get A Hold Of Yourself Chpt 4**

 **Halloween Has Never Had Good Luck**

Thank You for all your reviews! This is the most I've ever had! Anyway, they all inspire me to come up with more to add to the plot, so if there is something you want to possibly see, drop a review and I will definitely consider it and try to come up with something!

 _ **Halloween-**_

Everyone was at the Halloween Feast, except for harry that is. Halloween had never brought him much luck, so the young man had decided to forgo the Feast in favor of homework. Reading through his potions textbook, harry paced the length of Myrtle's bathroom.

The Common Room would have had a flood of students in only ten minutes, and none of them would appreciate Teddy's cries of pain. Teething had started not long before Andy had given the baby to Harry and it was a long way from being done. Even with two teeth surfaced and one more peeking through.

Professor Kendricks had started out with fairly simple assignments but had steadily began moving Harry further and further ahead to the point where he had stopped studying with Hermione to keep the questions to a minimum.

So harry spent most nights working his way through countless essays and intricate potions. Teddy finally fell off into sleep with a few quite sniffles while melting into Harry's side, resting his head on the young man's shoulder.

The young man in question felt a pang of jealousy at the sight of the sleeping child. Sleeping only two or three hours a night had taken its toll on Harry. However, a well-placed Glamour Charm did its job quite well and no one was any the wiser. Well, not quite.

Luna had that precise, piercing gaze that told you outright that she knew the truth, and Harry was not entirely sure that she didn't know the truth.

…

As he walked down the quiet halls, Teddy awoke because of the steady thump of Harry's worn out convers. Then suddenly, another pair of taping shoes joined the rhythmic echo bouncing off the walls. Kendricks came up to Harry from behind, wrapping an arm around the boy's shoulders.

"Hey, Potter, you don't mind brewing two liters of Amortentia for my sixth year class I have tomorrow, would you?" Kendricks seemed not to have noticed how tense Harry had gotten with every word and the thought of more potions work.

"I-uh-I-" stuttered out harry before Kendricks interrupted him.

"I knew you would be a good sport about it! I would do it myself, but I just don't have the time." A smile crossed the professor's lips as though he was trying to let Harry know that, he did in fact have to time, but just could not bring himself to care enough to do it.

"Oh…" harry squeaked out too quiet for anyone to hear. He was left standing stupidly in the empty hall as Kendricks practically sashayed away.

' _Why… why me?_ ' his thoughts were jumbled from sleeplessness. ' _How… ho-…_ '

He released a deep sigh:

"I just don't care…"

He took a deep breath, struggling to speak and swallowing a panic attack as a tear rolled down his left cheek. Panic attacks had been happening more often than ever before. In earlier years he had woken up from the worse night terror that he never been able to control. But now he had them almost nightly due to stress.

Harry looked to teddy and had a small hiccup before speaking with an emotion clogged voice that hitched at every word.

"It looks like we're gonna visit Myrtle again, aren't we?"

Walking back to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, harry had stray tears running down from his eyes as he wiped them away.

At least the resident ghost had kept visitors out of her bathroom for them.

 _Harry had a long night ahead of him..._

 _ **Daily Prophet Front Page Headline: One Week Before School-**_

 _ **Returning to School is Mandatory**_

 _By Rita Skeeter_

 _Yesterday a controversial letter was sent out to all the teens who were 7_ _th_ _years at Hogwarts (or would have been had they attended, *wink-wink* Harry Potter *wink-wink*),telling them they would have to attend a sort of 'make-up' year in order to finish their NEWTS. However, this has many parents and guardians in an uproar, saying that their children simply are not ready to return to a place where such tragedies occurred. No one has been excluded unless a medical reason has been listed._

 _The school is paying for the attendance of all the students in this new '8_ _th_ _year.' Minister of Magic, Kinsley Shacklebolt, claims that "we cannot have an entire graduating class never achieve their NEWTS. It is of the upmost importance in the interests of their future, for them to complete the NEWTS or they could easily face unemployment." Despite this claim and the signature on the letter sent to all '8_ _th_ _year' students, in a recent interview with Headmistress McGonagall she stated that "I have no interest in young minds being forced to live and study in a place where horrible memories are around every corner. However, it is the Minister's Decree, so my due part will be done."_

 _It is unknown at this time how our very own Harry Potter has reacted, though unknown sources say that_ two _letters were sent to his address. Even if we have no comments from Mr. Potter, plenty of other students, like Mr. Finnigan and Mr. Thomas, both object heavily and are the voice of many other students who believed they would never have to go back. Never the less, we will all be awaiting news from all the young adults in the coming week…_

 _ **Daily Profit Front Page Headline: Three Days into Term-**_

 _ **Gringotts Lock-Out**_

 _By Rita Skeeter_

 _Last night Gringotts sent out letters to nearly all of the accent wizarding families informing them that their accounts had been locked. This even includes the accounts kept by Harry Potter himself (even the ones used to fund Number 12 Grimmauld Place, Home for War Orphans and Disowned Children). Many of the families are in an uproar that despite their many faithful years doing business with the bank, they have been banned from entering their vaults. However, the Goblins of Gringotts assure everyone that this is a temporary ban in order for the Ministry to research all of the people connected to these vaults, and to enact new security protocols._

 _Head of Public Relations, Deroff, confirmed that Mr. Potter's suspension and the new security are, infact, connected, saying "Mr. Potter, despite his heroic deeds and intentions, has made it necessary to replace the dragon stolen from us, by him and his acquaintances after breaking in and stealing from one of the Black family vaults. Though I assure you, we are no less secure after this intrusion, and the weakness of security was caused by the involvement of Dark Forces. Rest assured it will never happen again."_

 _While most are relieved that the stolen dragon will be replaced, one dragon handler, Charlie Weasley, has gone to the public, saying that this is the perfect time to change the living conditions of dragons all around Great Britain, especially in Gringotts. Whatever occurs with the security situation, The Daily Profit will keep you updated on ever new development…_

 _ **Other Notes:**_ _Deroff is a Goblin jtlyk…. R &R, If you don't, then there is something Ron with you…_


	5. Luna, The Angel

Get a Hold of Yourself

Chapter Five: _Luna, the Angel…_

 _ **Hogwarts Quidditch Pitch, Three Days after Tryout Bulletin was Posted-**_

"Okay, everyone," Harry projected his voice to the disheveled excuse of a team. "Practice this year is gonna be harder than ever."

He waited for a moment for them to pay attention to him, but they kept running around and making fools out of themselves.

"Come on you dumb lot! You all suck and there isn't gonna be any Gryffindor Quidditch this year!" he called out in annoyance before turning on his heel to walk away.

The whole _"team"_ froze and looked to him in shock. Harry Potter had just spoken to them like that? When silence greeted his ears, Harry turned again to face them.

"Now that I have you attention," said Harry, clapping his hands together once. "We can get on with the practice. You're all new to Quidditch, and it isn't a bad thing. It just means we need to work harder this year." After a deep breath, Harry continued despite the disgruntled faces the other students made.

"The Chasers need more arm strength, Beaters need arm and core strength, and Keepers need leg. But most importantly, stamina!"

Ginny mocked the other players with a fake moan of annoyance and stamping her foot before breaking out in giggles because of the glares a few players gave her.

"Ginny?"

"Yes, Harry?" she asked with a deep pout on her face.

"Don't mock them,"

"Why?!" she whined, stamping her foot again.

"Please?"

"…Fine."

"Thank you, Ginny, so any questions before we set off?" he questioned, addressing the whole group again.

A single hand shot up from a second year in the back. There had only been enough players to fill the slots on the team, so there had not been any tryouts. But the following night a student who had missed tryouts came to him, so Harry made her a backup seeker.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Harry Potter, sir, what will my practice be, sir?" the petite girl, by the name of Eloise, asked nervously, hand still raised after she had finished asking her question. Harry had asked her to catch a snitch in the Common Room and she had done brilliantly.

" _Yeeeah_ , Mr. Harry-Potter-Sir?" mocked Ginny while silently laughing at the child's nervousness.

"Come on, Ginny, be mature about this. And you'll be working with everyone else, Eloise; they just need more focused strength."

With that he had them spread out to do countless push-ups, squats, burpees, and taught them the way Oliver had made him stretch. To finish it all off, they did sprints. The whole team ran the length of the field four times before he stopped them. Slightly breathless, it took him two breathes to huff out his message.

"Last one; I want everyone to race to the end."

One of the older students came forward.

"Why do we want to race each other? What's the point of getting there first?" his whole face was pink and he was severely out of breath.

"Bragging rights, you get off the pitch sooner? I don't know." Harry couldn't blame the guy; it had been a murderous practice for first time players.

Everyone got into a line and took off towards the end of the pitch. Ginny was in the lead but less than a half way her legs gave out and she fell face first into the dirt, laughing the whole time. The boy, who had spoken up before, now yelled to Harry-

"Bet I can beat you!"

-before taking off down the pitch. But he stumbled on his tired feet and lost a few yards. But Harry never challenged for first place. He had no desire to exhaust himself further. Tonight he would still go to work, stop at Grimmauld Place, and study with Teddy on his hip until three in the morning, sleep until five o'clock, and go to classes.

The idea that he would be back to the pitch three times a week already scared him…

 _ **Gryffindor Common Room, Midnight, second week of November-**_

Teddy screamed while Harry bounced and kept trying, in vain, to keep a pacifier in the child's mouth. Nothing had worked! Not rum, or a binky, or bouncing, or cooing, or _anything_! Harry himself wanted to scream.

' _I'm letting down Remus and Tonks. I can't care for their child; they chose a horrible person to be Teddy's Godfather. And Andie had trusted me with such a precious thing! What happens if Teddy's broken because of me? Everyone around me always dies…'_

Harry fell to the floor, his heart clenching and throat closing in emotion. He was failing, and now he was hyperventilating. Closing his eyes he trying in vain to control himself like he had a hundred times before. But this time, all he could here was his heart pounding against his eardrums.

'What am I doing?' thought Harry. He moved his arms to make sure Teddy was still there… but he wasn't.

His eyes flied open only to be greeted by the sight of Luna Lovegood herself holding an extremely quiet Teddy in her arms. The light from the dying fire surrounded her in a halo of orange and gold. It was like she was his saving grace. The angel who brought silence to the screams.

"How did you calm him down?" Harry asked tentatively, afraid it would be a delusion which would disappear. It had happened in his dreams too many times recently.

"Oh, it was fairly simple. Moonstones tend to calm people. It works well on Teddy really well." Her large eye shone with the knowledge of Harry's recent struggles with Teddy.

"Oh..." he kept staring at the peaceful child. It didn't feel right to have Teddy fall asleep _so fast_.

"I can give you one if you like. I've got plenty of them." She stood from her spot before sitting next to Harry, gazing into the fire.

"Of what?" asked Harry dumbly.

"Moonstones." She took hold of a silver chain and pulled it from the neck of her shirt to show harry a brilliant, pale stone circled by a twisted design of more silver, before dropping back into her shirt and away from Teddy's reach. "Harry, you're quite tired; I think you need to go to bed." Her airy voice was edged with concern.

Harry had spoken to Luna over the summer and helped ground the young woman in the real world, letting her vent the fears which had plagued every dream. While Mr. Lovegood was determined to ignore the fact that war had scarcely ended and his daughter was deeply involved with it, Harry had given an open invitation to speak freely without fear of being brushed aside. Mr. Lovegood repeatedly tried to take Luna to far flung place in search of creatures that not even she could ever believe existed. China to find a miniature dragon that blew perfect glass bubbles instead of fire, or Australia to find a rodent two meters long which pooped bubblegum.

Harry had been a way for her to be connected to a real part of the world, and she had been a way for him to no longer focus upon his worries. To see a lighter side of the darkness.

"Harry, are you listening?" he could feel her eyes boring into his soul as he pulled himself out his stupor.

"Hmm?" the sound came out dumbly as he breathed deeply to clear his brain.

"I'm going to help you, Harry." She stated as though it were obvious.

"What?"

"I'm going to help you. Consider it repaying the favor you gave me over the summer. That's what friends do. So you need to sleep."

Taking another deep breath, Harry peeled himself off the floor.

"I have too much to do, Luna. I can't go to bed. And the moment you leave Teddy 'll start up again…" he trailed off with unspoken idea of ' _I wish so many things were different, but they aren't_.'

"I'll take Teddy back to Ravenclaw Tower, you finish up as much as you can and be in bed by 2 o'clock." Her voice was stern as she commanded him to inhabit his bed at a more reasonable time than previously during the semester. To her it was the simplest thing in the world. Just sleep and everything else can be worked out later, it seemed. "I'll see you in the morning. Sleep well."

Harry didn't protest about her taking his baby, and he even surprised himself by going to bed at 2:00 AM after getting far more work done than he ever dreamed of. Studying was better when you had both hands…

A/N: _**In the last chapter I said that Kendricks wanted the love potion. 'But he's DADA?' you may ask. He wanted to show the effect love potions had on you. That's all.**_

We're getting more into things now! YAY!

 **WARNING:** After Chpt 6, I will be going back and editing/rewriting all the chapters. Chpt 1 is already done and for anyone who hasn't read the version that says 'revised', I suggest going back and rereading the first part because some things may not make sense if you don't.

 _ **Thank You**_ to _Cassandra30_ for you faithful reviews! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Also, apparently I was spelling 'Andie' wrong. I was using a 'y' not 'i.e.' Sorry!

This is what I could find on Moonstones, (I researched after I decided I wanted it to be moonstones and came out incredibly lucky….)

 _MOONSTONE_

 _Moonstone is said in crystal healing to help calm responses and stress, and avoid overreaction. It brings hope, enhances feminine energies, sensitivity, intuition, and psychic abilities. It is also said to bring strong energies of abundance to one's life._

 _Moonstone is a stone of protection, especially during childbirth, pregnancy, and travel at sea. It is a stone of calm and relief from emotional stress. It is also associated with love of all kinds._

 _Physically moonstone is used in crystal healing to aid the pituitary gland and digestive system, obesity, water retention, hormonal problems, menstrual problems. Note that healing crystal meanings are spiritual supports to healing and are not prescriptions or healthcare information._

 _Moonstone is also used as a stand in for pearl, when pearl is not available. Moonstone is associated with the crown and third eye chakras, and sometimes with the heart chakra._

166/0/9023759/il_340x270.1197333091_ this is Luna's necklace and I promise typing in the link is worth it!


	6. Oh, What Would The Man Think?

Get a Hold of Yourself

Chapter Six: Oh, What Would The Man Think?

 _ **Number 4, Privet Drive, Post Letters from Hogwarts-**_

Harry stood rooted to the spot in shock. Dudley a wizard? No way in Merlin's Snitch Underwear! It just wasn't possible… Or was it? He cocked his head to the side remembering just how fearful Dudley had been of the dementors even when he had no idea what they were.

There may have been one or two time that something occurred which seemed just a _tad_ too convenient for a muggle to pull off, but a full blown wizard? However, Harry knew his opinion did not matter because the letter had come, and Dudley would go. He was trying hard not to think about the idea that he himself would be going back at that moment. He could deliberate over it over later.

Even if he _was_ relieved to have his mind made up for him, the castle was still saturated with both good and _bad_ memories. And no doubt Hermione would have her say about it _all year_ as well.

"Did you send that ruddy owl away yet?" yelled Vernon from the lounge. A thought crossed Harry's mind and his eyes became wide as saucers. He would have to tell Vernon and Petunia that their son was a wizard. They would murder him! Or at the very least, they would surely believe that he had somehow _infected_ their son.

Wordlessly, he thanked the owl before sending it back out the window from which it came, then shakily entering the lounge where Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley himself, sat absorbed in their own tasks.

Dudley was busily filling out applications to several universities around the country while Petunia was hurriedly finishing a baby jumper for one of the neighbors. Vernon had apparently been very taken by the headlining story that morning and sat reading, but looked up sharply to survey Harry as soon as the boy had entered the room, still carrying the two envelopes.

"Well, boy? What did _they_ send the bird for, then?" by ' _they,_ ' Vernon meant wizards and witches, and not in an especially good light either.

"Um, Uncle Vernon, a letter came for Dudley." At the mention of his name Dudley looked up from the pile of papers on his lap.

"What'd it say, Harry?" Dudley still held a small fear of wizards and in no way wanted any of them to find out how Harry and his relationship had worked for the majority of their lives.

"You've been enrolled at Hogwarts. Your name was lost and they've only just found it." He said slowly. Harry skillfully omitted that Dumbledore had prevented his letter from being sent because of Harry. No need for anyone to know _that_.

"But I thought I was one of those migglies? I don't have any of your," he seemed to search for the right word for a moment before finishing his thought. " _Stuff_."

"I don't think you're very strong, but it is, you-know, there…" Harry was making himself a small as possible in anticipation of Vernon's reaction.

It took a few moments of awkward silence before Vernon slowly rose from his chair.

Very slowly he began to speak in a low voice. "You have the guts to stand here and tell me my son is a freak like you? You are lying to make a fool out of me, and I will not stand for it. You hear me, boy." He stuck out his hand sharply, demanding the letter.

Harry turned over the second letter to the man and receded until his back bumped the wall. Everyone watched in silent anticipation as Vernon read the letter again and again until he was sure it was not a hokes. Finally the gruff man passed the papers to his wife before steadily gazing at the young man standing a few feet away from him.

He clasped his hands behind his back and Harry watched as he paced a few times before halting to addressing Harry again.

"So it's your fault my boy didn't get accepted when he deserved it? My boy went without training in these arts because of you? And you knew?" a look a disgusted fell upon his face. Clearly playing the blame game was the way Vernon was going to go. Not the 'you did this to my son' or 'you're just trying to kill my son as soon as you're at the freakish school of your' routes. Just the 'you kept my perfect son from his rightful education' route. Not what he had expected, but never the less a problem. A very big problem.

"I, I really never knew. No one ever mentioned anything about any of you-and I never said anything about any of you." Of course that was a lie, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Ron and Hermione had heard now and then that his family really wouldn't care if anything happened to him, and Petunia had been brought up a few times while discussing the events of that fateful Halloween.

But they didn't need to know that. Nor did they need to know that their son, at seventeen, would be placed into the same class as a bunch of eleven year olds. Not ideal, but Dudley could use some of his own medicine… even if his own medicine had been in the past… ish.

Even though Dudley had a new appreciation for Harry, some things never changed, and small snide comments about nearly nothing could send Harry into a disturbing ravine of memories.

And at that moment, it dawned upon Harry that his plan to make sure they didn't know Dumbledore held Dudley back from Hogwarts, had not gone as planned.

Regardless, Petunia stood, oblivious to the thoughts whirling through Harry's mind, and went to her son to give him the letter. Dudley skimmed each page before removing the collage applications from his lap to stand.

"Can I talk to you, Harry?" he had a look on his face of someone deeply confused.

"Yeah, of course," Harry replied hastily.

The two boys walked into the kitchen and began speaking in low voices. Dudley asked every sensible question he could think of. From how expensive would all the supplies be, anything he should be warned against in the wizarding world, and what exactly Hogwarts was. Harry answered every question, glossing over some of the facts in favor of the lighter side of things, but then Dudley asked one of the questions Harry never wanted to hear.

"What was your time at Hogwarts like? Good, bad or was it just so-so?" his face spoke only of interest while Harry's darkened at the memories that came rushing back.

"Mine was…" he stumbled over his words, trying to find an excuse, to brush the whole topic aside. But alas, nothing came to mind. "I'm sure you'll hear about it sometime."

But Dudley would not drop the question.

"What do you mean?" his confusion only proved to bristle Harry further.

"My time at Hogwarts is infamous, and anyways, I'll be there with you. Got my letter too. I'll be returning."

"But haven't you already done your seven years?" now the other boy was _really_ confused.

"I never made it to school last year. I was… on the run." He said slowly before taking a deep breath, schooling his features. "There was a war going on, and I was stuck in the eye of the storm."

"Oh," Dudley dropped the subject quickly after that…

 _ **Two Days Later-**_

Overall, Vernon and Petunia ignored Harry in favor of trying to shower Dudley in praise for being _so special_. However, Dudley seemed unreceptive, and all their airhead praise fell on deaf ears. Luckily the Dursley's realized they had no way of getting to Diagon Ally without Harry, so for the first time all summer, Harry left the property of Number 4, Privet Drive.

Inside The Leaky Cauldron is where it got difficult. Several of the patrons came up to Harry and asked to shake his hand. Needless to say, the elder Dursley's were less then pleased. As soon as they entered into the Ally, Harry dug out his all-weather cloak and flipped the hood over his head so no one could see his face. Or his scar. Luckily the cloak was lined in crimson red with the Gryffindor crest stitched to the breast, so no one would believe him a wrong doer or death eater.

They gathered everything they needed for the schoolyear, and some things they didn't in Dudley's case (upon Petunia and Vernon's urging), as Harry lead them through the countless shops. At one point Harry wandered away from the other three and simply stood in front of one of the pet shops, gazing at the assortment of owls.

How he longed to have Hedwig back. But never the less, she had sacrificed herself for him. Something he would both never forgive her for, and never forget her for. Not one of the beautiful birds in the shop even came close her harsh white feathers and deeply caring nature. Her stern looks alone had reassured him on many sleepless nights, reminding him that losing hope would get him nowhere and was not an option. She had been almost motherly to him in his darkest hours, as odd as that seemed.

Then, a wall of emotion hit him harder than it had in since the days following the final battle. Tears welled in his eyes and he knew his face must have been splotchy under the hood. Silently, one after another, fat tears rolled down his face. Then he was pulled from his thoughts by a man pulling at the neck of his cloak.

Vernon had become impatient, but his impatience's was only rewarded by a wand aimed at his throat. However, the hood of the cloak had been pulled down and foot traffic on the street slowed to stare at him. Harry hastily pocketed his wand before pulling the hood over his head and hurrying away, the Dursley's following as best as possible.

When they turned the corner into a quieter street Vernon spoke with a pinched face.

"What was that about? What were you trying to do to me? Hmm?" he hissed at Harry.

Harry stood motionless for a long moment before answering.

" _Constant vigilance_ ," his voice was bitter but truthful. Then Harry turned and walked out of the side street. The words he had uttered spoke volumes to Dudley and Petunia who were _very interested_ in what had occurred the previous year. Something about the young man had changed and become darker over the years, but the last had changed the child most of all. He now walked with purpose and spite, and did not complain…

A/N: So the link from the last chapter didn't work I was told. So, I think the problem was, was that you need to put it into a new tab then go to images (in the search engine) it worked for me and two pictures came up. On was a ring, one the necklace. But I will but the link again:

166/0/9023759/il_340x270.1197333091_

if it still doesn't work, let me know!

And the source for the Moonstone info is

moonstone/

Also, Fun Fact, I live in Florida and the Moonstones are the state stone/gem even though it isn't found naturally in FL.

And thank you to Guest for reviewing on Chapter 2 asking if we would hear more on how Vernon reacted to Dudley's letter. Thank you!

So updates will be on hold for a week or two while I revise the previous chapters, but don't fret! I have Chpt 8 already written!

Let's see if we can get up to 2 more reviews to round the reviews up to 10!


	7. Godmother?

Get a Hold of Yourself

Chapter Seven: God _mother_?

A/N: So in this chapter, they are gonna refer to the Gryffindor Common Room as _The Lion's Den_.

 **SPECIAL THANKS TO** _ **jeragon**_ ** & **_**witchyagender!**_

Thank You;

 **Third Week of November-**

He could have screamed it was that bad. Harry sat before Kendricks, his DADA teacher, as the man droned on telling him everything he wanted this week. A four scroll report due by Friday. It was Monday and already Harry knew his week was screwed. There was no way he was going to be able to finish it by then.

Between the _Three Day Potion_ Scotts assigned, which would take forever, and the math that had been piling up in Muggle Studies. The mathematical issue was due to the fact that Harry simply not having the time to spend hours poring over math help sites to figure out one problem. Though even beyond the time crunch problem, there was the emotional side as well.

The report in DADA was about werewolves, and not just anything about werewolves, but the capture, punishment, and killing of werewolves in the past four hundred years. A century per scroll.

Remus and Tonks were already constantly on his mind given that he was caring for their baby, but the idea of having to read in detail the torture that Remus and even Teddy would have been subjected to had the Ministry gotten their hands on them was unthinkable…

 **The Night After Talk With Kendricks-**

As soon as he was dismissed Harry had gone to Luna who had suggested finding a suitable topic and ask to complete an essay on that instead. So he scavenged through the library for a few minutes and found several books on the interaction between Bogarts and the objects or beings that they transform into. Naturally, Harry took a list of resources to Kendricks. Needless to say, it had been adamantly shot down.

Now, perched on the arm of a sofa in the Lion's Den, he spoke to Hermione and Ron about it. Ron suggested skiving off the paper and instead work on something else, after all, Harry could easily make the grade up later. Only he couldn't, and Kendricks wouldn't let him either.

Hermione spoke up claiming to have an answer. Push the centuries back so he wouldn't have to research the current conditions of werewolves. But that just wasn't possible because he had been explicitly told to write about _modern_ times.

' _I'm trapped...'_ he thought forlornly as he rubbed a hand over his face in frustration…

 **Turning In DADA Paper On Werewolves-**

Class had just let out and everyone was shuffling up to the professor's desk at the top of the room to turn in their assignments. Harry's was, by far, the largest. However, he had made sure to roll all four scrolls together tightly so no one would to just how large it was.

Kendricks had given him some 'special' scroll parchment. Every time a teacher gave him something specific to do a job with, it never turned out good. In this case, the scrolls were and extra _seven_ inches longer than even Hermione's 'Extra Space Parchment'.

Today, Harry had been forced to place two glamour's over his face just to look normal enough to roam the castle for classes. His mind was so fogged by the recent information gained about werewolves, that he couldn't seem to cast a full strength spell, not even something as pitiful as a glamour!

The glamours were purely to rid himself of the dark circles under his eyes, but it had some setbacks. Most of his freckles were covered which in turn led Hermione staring at him for an uncomfortably long amount of time trying to figure what wasn't right with his face.

Never the less, he tried his best to be around his close friends. They could carry on pointless conversations for hours. Of course Harry had tap out to do homework, but it was still nice to spend time with the pair. The two of them were still awkward at dating and everything 'couple-like.' In fact, Harry and Luna had spoken about it during one of the late nights they now shared in each other's company.

Luna was certain their strained situation was only because they were so used to being friends, but now they were 'more than friends' and just needed time to adjust.

Harry a greatly appreciated Luna's company during the long nights. Even if she left at midnight to put Teddy to bed, the sound of her bare feet padding around the Gryffindor Common room was comforting. Just to know that he didn't always have to worry about Teddy was a relief. However, in return Luna demanded he tell her about that was going on in his life.

Anything from where he worked (she had quickly figured out that he did not leave every afternoon just to check on 12 Grimmauld Place.) to what he intended to do once he left Hogwarts. She would also bluntly tell him when to be in bed by, just as she had the first night, and every time he found that he would be crawling between the sheets at the time stated. It was almost as though Harry's subconscious just need that tiny bit of a nudge to follow through.

On the topic of post-school life, Harry had answered honestly. Someone in the Ministry had made sure he was in the right classes to become an Auror. It wasn't that big of a deal to him, but Luna found it unsettling. She could see the fighting fire had begun dwindling in his eyes. He was going to become an Auror even if he didn't want to, simply because _he was done fighting_.

It was disturbing to see. To see Harry Potter, the boy who never back down from a fight so utterly exhausted and ready to give in. He wasn't even one of the _hundreds_ of students who had protested and petitioned so as not to be forced back to Hogwarts. And the worst part was that he didn't want to come back! He didn't want to go back to the Dursley's. He didn't want to suffer from night terrors. He didn't want to be the only parent to his Godson. He just didn't! How hard was that for everyone to understand?

 _He just wanted peace…_

 **Last Day Of November-**

"Luna, could I ask you a question?" Harry and Luna, with Teddy asleep in the crook his Godfather's arm, were folded into one of the ice cold window seats in the Lion's Den. Both were bundled in sweaters and socks and still cold, but didn't bother moving.

"I think you just did, Harry." Luna answered.

He couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips as he rolled his eyes a bit, taking a second to put his thoughts in order before continuing.

"Luna, do you want to become Teddy's Godmother?" he asked gazing deeply into her eyes. She tipped her head to the side in question.

"Why would you want me? You should ask Hermione," Even if Luna wanted to, she knew Hermione deserved to be Godmother more than herself.

"Why should Hermione be Teddy's Godmother?" he had a smile across his face in confusion.

"Because you've known her for so long, and she knew Remus and Tonks," it seemed obvious to Luna. Why would Harry want her to care for the child legally when he could have Hermione who would know everything Teddy would ever need.

"Hermione may be smart Luna, and she may have known Remus and Tonks, but she isn't maternal. Maybe with time and her own children, but not today. And," he took a small pause to consider his words. "I chose you."

He smiled at her as he shifted Teddy in his arms. Luna gazed at the sleeping child's face and knew what her answer would be. She had known it the moment Harry asked, just not willing to believe he would choose her. No one had ever chosen her. She was seen as a daydreamer, irresponsible, a girl with a head full of air. Why would aynone trust her?

"I would love to, Harry…"

A/N: it may not be a real thing, but I just wanted Luna and Harry to be legally bound to Teddy and it may stir something up elsewhere in the castle…


	8. A Grim Testimony P1

Get a Hold of Yourself

Chapter Eight: A Grim Testimony P1

Special Thanks To jeragon & witchyagender! Thank You!

 _ **Night Before Leaving For Hogwarts-**_

Tomorrow Dudley Dursley would get on the Hogwarts Express and his mother would not see him until the Christmas Holidays. It was a sad event for Petunia to have to say goodbye to her only child on that strangely numbered platform. Of course she had also raised her nephew, but he had left for that school every year since turning eleven. She never really felt any sort of motherly love for him. It just wasn't _there_. There were too many embittered memories of her " _Oh so wonderful sister._ " Too many years of treating him like a burden to really bother changing her actions or emotions on it.

Petunia and Dudley sat in the lounge and sipped tea as they passed through common small talk until Dudley asked his mother a question.

"What do you figure happened last year with Harry and his friends? He's been even stranger this summer." Dudley topped off his mother's tea while waiting for her answer. But she seemed very reluctant to say anything on the subject.

After some quiet pestering on Dudley's part, Petunia finally spoke.

"Dudley, I fear that things have happened in his world during the past few years that I have worked very hard to shield you from. Horrible things, things I do not want to think about. But I will tell you this much; Harry and his friends finished whatever it was that began when he was just a babe. And whatever it was, it's what took his parents from him, and placed him on our stoop." Her face was set in a grim frown and her smile lines took on a dark nature. A testimony of the violence she believed had befallen Harry.

Dudley was surprised by this, but when his mother refused to make eye contact, he realized that this was not a subject to be delved deeper into. Not today at least…

A/N: yes, this was VERY necessary….


	9. Hari

**Get A Hold Of Yourself**

 **Chapter 9: Hari**

 **Special Thanks To jeragon & witchyagender! Thank You!**

 **I am very excited about this chapter, and I hope you are too!**

 **Early July, Post-War;**

"I know this is difficult, but most of these children would not receive a proper education without this," said one of the many council members, all of them were Ministry officials who had been cleared of any charges. It had been a solid two months since the official ending of the War, but now they had to take action.

First, they had sent the entire assembly of children home to be with their families directly following The Battle, and in the wake of the past months, none had argued. However, forcing those same children to return to Hogwarts? There would be riots! Especially when the ministry was at its weakest.

As well, he had received letters from many of the DA, and honestly, they did not seem fit to return. Not to a place where so many of their own were taken at.

Even through all of this objection the council still carried on with the decree, though council members sat all around him and gave every reason to send them back, but none as to why he should not.

"What if they riot?" he asked slowly, his voice grave while gazing around him at all the men and women seated around the large, circular table.

"If we can sway the Headmistress, it could work, and not cause riots and protests."

"That's a big _'if'_ , and you know that…." trailed of Kingsley.

"But we need them to finish schooling, and we need Potter as an Auror. ' _You know that'_ as well." Stated one of the others.

There was not a thing Kingsley could do, he only hoped Harry would forgive him. The tall man let out a deep sigh as they continued on with the meeting, feeling the guilt slowly build on his shoulders as they practically took Harry's life away. He was deeply worried about the young man. Every letter sent was never replied to. Sadly there just wasn't a thing Kinsley could do.

 _And it was decided…_

 **Christmas Eve;**

It was nice to have a small break and not worry about homework… of course he still had work because of the Christmas Eve dance recital (that actually happened _two_ days before Christmas), but that was nothing. Anyways, he helped finish the decorating at Number 12.

The whole place had glowed in a golden haze and it had felt _magical_ to stand in the middle of all that happiness and golden glow and just soak up as much of it as he could. It would all disappear and he would be left with whatever he had been feeling for _so_ long before.

It seemed as though he hadn't truly felt anything for a long time. Like everything was all muted. Like he was trying to feel the heat of a candle through ten feet of ice. The ice was clear, he could see what he wanted but couldn't _quiet_ reach it.

Teddy would be laughing like nobody's business and it took so much effort to just be there. It was just so exhausting to survive. To just live!

When Luna started taking Teddy, his thoughts had been freer with less distraction. In fact, he had gone up to the astronomy tower one night. He had not been there since the night Dumbledore was killed. He couldn't stand being there. But that night, he had gone, telling himself it was all to see if he even _could._

Of course he could. It was strangely easy to. Infact, it was so easy he had gone to stand on the railing. 'Just for a deep breath,' he told himself. Liar.

He had grasped onto the vertical bars and leaned out further than even the most fearless Gryffindors would. Just for a deep breath, right?

Not too long after that night, it had been stunningly clear and felt as though it would have been so easy to just float away (not that he had been _that_ light since forever), to leave it all behind and embrace nothingness, but he didn't, because Harry asked Luna to become Godmother. She now had forty percent guardianship (same as harry, with twenty percent for Andie), enough to take the babe if _something dire were to happen_.

Not that it would, of course!

Never.

Maybe.

He really couldn't disregard _anything_ …

" _Harry? Harry, you okay?"_

Was someone talking? Probably.

"Yes," taking a deep breath, Harry looked to Hermione. The worry sat on her face disgustingly.

"Do you feel ill, Harry?" More worry became etched in her face, it shown by the crease of her brow and the down turn of her lips.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Hermione. Just thinking," he cracked a tiny smile. It never made it to his eyes. They never seemed to be able to these days.

"What about?" Hermione had one of her many quizzical looks on her face. It was better than worry, but that quizzical look could mean trouble.

"Nothing much, why? Did I miss something?" he tried to divert her questions into his own. It was easy to distract her with an easy question. He was doing more and more of that now. Diverting everything away. It felt like he was lying to everyone…

"Well, Luna tried to give you a present from her, only she spelled you name wrong. She thinks it's correct," Hermione trailed off quietly, rolling her eyes ever so slightly.

Harry stretched out his hand and took the small parcel the blonde held out to him. The card tied to the box read:

TO: _Hari Potter_

FROM: _Luna Lovegood_

The letters were delicately written in sharply peaking cursive lettering. It had clearing taken time to write the card. The package itself was wrapped just so, making the fluttering little snitches align perfectly with the box corner. Dark brown twine was tied around and held the card as though it were being mailed via owl post.

"Thank you," was all he could think of saying as he looked up at the girl, he felt that this time his smile might have come closer to reaching his eyes. Just maybe.

"You haven't even opened it, Harry!" Luna rang happily.

"Harry, she spelled it wrong, right?" asked Hermione shifting forwards a little.

"Um, well… Dumbledore put the Anglo-Saxon version on that letter he left with me for the Dursley's so they wouldn't throw a fit." He said slowly. Upon Hermione's aghast look, he hurried to reassure her somehow. "Just in case, Hermione! Anyways, I had to show my muggle birth certificate to get my glasses, and it showed a different spelling, so they found out anyways."

"I still don't understand," spoke up Ginny.

"It's the translated way to spell 'Harry' in Hindi. Sirius once said that my parents liked the 'normal' way to spell the name but thought it was boring. And since my dad's family had heritage from there, they thought it was fitting."

"Oh! Of course, I'd never thought of that. How stupid of me!" Exclaimed Hermione, a somewhat shy smile gracing her face.

"Well, now you open it, _Hari_." Said Luna as she leaned in like a child waiting to see what was in the box, as if she didn't already know.

Slowly, he pulled the twine away and unwrapped the snitch wrapping paper from around the parcel before lifting the lid off the box.

Inside was a small dream catcher with small gold beads to show all the planets in the Milky Way. Each bead was engraved with the name of the planet and long leather strings held sleek grey feathers. It had another string that came off the top to a hook for hanging.

It was clearly handmade and held a slight sparkle of glitter dust. Luna must have made it herself.

" _Thank you Luna, its beautiful…"_

 **Hogwarts' Grounds Near Greenhouse #4;**

Hermione and Ron were on a mission. Together they came up behind Luna Lovegood and skirted each side. Quietly, they each looped an arm around the blonde's before asking to talk to her and pulling her away behind an empty greenhouse.

Greenhouse #4 held no classes that day as well as being tucked just enough out of the way so passerbys would be unable to view the odd trio. Ron and Hermione had concerns and questions. They were concerned about Harry.

"Luna, you've been helping Harry with Teddy-thank you for that by the way-but have you noticed that Harry seems to be…" Hermione seemed lost for words.

"Harry isn't right. We know that things have changed, but it's like we aren't seeing all of him anymore. Like he's hiding." finished Ron.

Luna gazed at the couple for a moment before speaking.

"You're right, but Harry has never really showed all of himself. He's trying to adjust to the new world now. The media is always following him, his classes are killing him, and he is basically a single parent. And he has... other, issues, he's dealing with. All in all, Harry is fighting as hard as he can, although you'd never know it. _None of the teachers do…_ " she added to herself, almost spitefully.

"What could be wrong, Luna?" Hermione face was etched with worry lines. Especially around her mouth. Luna vaguely wondered who in the Granger family Hermione inherited the trait from.

Luna's face adopted a lost sort of look. Not dreamy, just lost.

" _I don't think Harry could even tell you, Hermione…"_

A/N: I'm going to keep spelling it 'Harry' just because it would be very difficult for me to do otherwise. Tell me in the reviews! Also, दिन is how you spell it in Hindi (sorry if it doesn't come through, also i got it from Google Translate, so sorry if it's wrong...)

 **PLEASE R &R! IT MAKES A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE!**


	10. Boggarts In The Bathroom

Get A Hold Of Yourself

Chapter 10: Boggarts in the Bathroom

"Hey, Potter, I'm glad you could make it," said Professor Kendrick with his broad smile. He seemed overly happy that his 'Star Pupil' had come to the last minute meeting. Harry had twenty minutes before he had to be on the steps of Trelawney's tower for 'A Night Full of Stargazing and Cosmos!' Translation? Staying up till six AM mapping stars and constellations. He wasn't even in her class! She's just put his name on the Divination's registrations sheet because he'd been forced into a prophesy, _once!_

Taking a seat in front of the professor's desk, Harry swept away those thoughts and focused on his teacher.

"Of course, sir." came his prompt reply.

"So, I was wondering if you could show some of the younger kiddos, 3rd years maybe, how you handle a boggart? Not much, just a little-" Kendrick snapped his finger in emphasis, " _Riddikulus_ , yeah?"

"A boggart, sir?" a choking feeling crept up his throat at the thought.

"Yeah, you can have a go at it beforehand, if you like." Kendrick reclined in his office chair and propped his feet on the desk.

"Could I maybe, do something else, like the Patroness charm, maybe?" he suddenly felt very childlike in the presence of this man. He stumbled through words and couldn't seem to tell the man a simple ' _No_.' it was infuriating!

"Come now, potter! There's no need to be _Riddikulus_ about this," he laughed at his own joke before staring expectantly at Harry.

Harry's brain felt numb. Like he wasn't really sitting here, listening to his teacher telling him to face his worst fear in front of mere _children_. Did people think _he_ was a child that could be controlled? They must have, but they were all wrong. Children don't do the things he did or see the things he did. They just don't.

His shoulders hunched and he wedged his hands between his knees at the thought of it all. A wave of nausea washed over Harry and he stood to flee the room.

"May I leave, sir?" he desperately hoped Kendricks would allow him to leave. The professor swung his booted feet off the desk and made to stand, huffing out nonchalant ' _Sure_.' Harry automatically mumbled a quite ' _yessir'_ and nearly ran from the room.

Thankfully, the boy's loo was barely twenty paces away, or else Harry would have lost his stomach in the halls. The lavatory was empty as he retched in one of stalls. He had no idea where the sudden urge to throw up had come from, but it had come strong and literally presented itself at Harry's feet.

He could hear the squeak of the door as someone came in; however, the muffled sound of padding feet greeted his ears instead of the normally harsh tapping of school shoes. It must have been Luna.

There was a moment of complete silence in the bathroom. Nothing breathed, nothing moved, nothing happened—as if the world stopped moving; Then Luna must have spotted the stall he was in, and the whole world started spinning again. Her muffled footsteps padded across the cold tiles as she neared his stall. She gently pulled open the unlocked door, watching pensively it squeaked ajar.

"Harry, you seemed to be in quiet the hurry to come in here, and you don't sound well. Are you okay?" She sounded concerned, but as he took a deep breath to answer her, another wave of nausea washed over him, forcing Harry to lean over the loo again.

He felt Luna's cool hand on the back of his neck as his stomach went for another round. The bile was hot, sickly, and burned as some ran through his nose. When he was finished, she flushed away the up sick and brought his head to rest against her shoulder.

Harry took deep, shuddering breathes through his nose, suppressing the bile in his stomach. A stray tear leaked down his cheek and he hastily wiped it away.

' _This isn't the time for tears,'_ was all he kept telling himself. There was never a time for tears.

Yet, another tear snuck its way out of his closed eyes, but before he could rub it away, Luna gently swiped her thumb under his eye. Her hand lingered on his jaw. Slowly, Harry relaxed his spine as she held him tighter.

After a few minutes Luna took a deep breath before talking.

"Harry, does this normally happen? Do you think you're catching something?" her voice was even and soft, merely concerned, or maybe it just sounded like that because he was nearly asleep. On the floor. Of the boy's lavatory…

"No…" he trailed off hoping she would not ask any more questions and he could just go to bed and sleep forever…

No such luck. She slowly pushed him to sit up and his side felt harshly cold without her.

"You were leaving Kendrick's classroom. Did something happen?" her stormy eyes gazed into his ivy, searching for truth.

Neither of them spoke for what seemed a long time when Harry began to press his lips into a thin line to stop them trembling as tears gathered in his eyes. She just took hold of his hands and held tightly as his breath grew uneven.

Finally, he took a final shuddering breath and spoke. It came out as nothing more than a breathy whisper.

"He wants me to face a boggart in front of a 3rd year class," tears spilled over as his voice trembled from the weight of the words.

"Oh, _Harry_!" she drew out his name looking as though she wanted to cry as well. "I-I'm so sorry,"

She brought him into a warm hug as he allowed a few tears to roll from his eyes. Before long, someone came into the loo. When the door squeaked, the two of them hurriedly rose from the floor in shock. Luna hopped onto the toilet so whoever it was wouldn't see her feet from beneath the stall door. Luckily, whoever it was were only washing their hands. Whoever he was nearly ran out of the bathroom when he heard his friends laughing in the hall.

Luna stepped down from the toilet seat and stood in front of Harry. She hugged him closely before stepping back to give him a once over. The pair was the same height, so Luna only had to stand on her tip toes as she leaned forwards and gave him a peck on the nose.

"I'll see you tonight; we can talk then, okay?" Luna held his face between her hands and he nodded solemnly. She seemed desperate for him to promise to be there—as if she knew about his midnight stroll to the Astronomy Tower.

" _It's going to be okay, Harry. I promise," her eyes seemed stormier now…_

A/N: A Guest reviewer left a few comments that I feel need to be touched on. Nothing bad—just that they brought up great points that I wish to elaborate on. But First:

I hoped to have this published 2-3 weeks ago but due to some technical difficulty it was postponed and I did the editing myself on Christmas day (also when I'm updating this). I should have the next chapter out on New Year's or in the week following, but I don't know for sure. Thank You for tolerating the wait!

TO THE REVIEWER!

 **Guest** **chapter 9 . Nov 29**

 **Who is the council? This is the first we've heard of them. Still think this is a dictatorship. What is the wizarding world going to do when Harry says no? Or collapses for exhaustion? Isn't it about time for Harry to start telling some of these professors where to go when they demand extra work? They are aware Teddy is in the castle, shouldn't they be taking that in to consideration? Where are McGonagall & Sprout? Interesting story but too many threads need to be woven back into the story.**

The Council will be elaborated upon in a few chapters, but for now, you know everything you need to.

The teachers demanding extra work believe harry is capable of more and believe that no one else is assigning extra work. They have no idea what they are doing to him.

I can't tell you what will/would happen if Harry said 'no', you'll have to wait to see if that is put in the story! Also, can't say whether he's gonna collapse or not, sorry!

Right now, harry wants to blend in. not raise attention to himself or Dudley. He knows what had happened because of his actions and it tired of fighting against people with more power than him. The night he is sent back to the Dursley's, he's already exhausted in so many ways—imagine now…

I can't say much about Minerva—too much of the story would be spoiled!

Sorry that it's taking so long for pieces to start falling into place!

 **Guest** **chapter 8 . Nov 29**

 **Dudley is an unnecessary distraction. Either use him in Harry's story, or flunk him out. He is supposedly a 'weak' wizard anyway.**

Sorry, but it's not as simple as that. I have large scale ideas for Dudders here. He's gonna get more and I promise that it will all tie in! I have a *very* long way to go before this story is anywhere near done!

The world I'm forming is no longer black and white. It's grey all over and no one knows how to color everything back in, which is what Luna is trying to do.

 **Guest** **chapter 3 . Nov 29**

 **Why is divination on his schedule? What does that have to do with auror training? Are you planning on Harry having a physical collapse?**

So, I hope this chapter explained it. Prf. T is obsessed with the idea that Harry has the all-seeing Third Eye because of his involvement in the prophesy in the canon books.

Again, can't tell you if he's gonna collapse, sorry!

ANYWAYS! I LOVE GETTING REVIEWS! EXPRESS ANY OPINION ON MY WORK AS YOU WISH. THANK YOU TO MY BETA'S AND TO THE GUEST REVIEWER WHO LEFT SOME FANTASTIC QUESTIONS AND KEPT ME UP ANOTHER HALF HOUR TO TYPE THE RESPONSES! Thank You!

PLEASE R&R!

(It's 11:45 on Christmas as I'm finishing up my edits and publishing this, so Merry X-Mas and Happy Holidays!)


	11. Once Upon A Midnight Dreary

Get A Hold Of Yourself

Chapter 11: Once Upon A Midnight Dreary

 **EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING:** The bottom to the chapter will hold a trigger free summary of what happened for anyone who cannot read. If you think it may contain one or more of your triggers, read the summary!

 **T.W include:** _copious amounts of blood, self-harm, suicidal subtext and actions, violence, mocking, seeing/imagining a dead loved one, sleep paralysis, and encouragement of suicide._

 **NO FLAMES FROM READERS WHO READ AND HAVE TRIGGERS, PLEASE! I HAVE WARNED YOU!**

Harry blearily opened his eyes and looked around him. Few details could be made out in the dim lighting of dawn, but Harry knew exactly where he was—the boat shed. The place where Snape had been slaughtered by Voldemort. But why was he here?

Harry pushed himself off the floor, but as soon as he made to stand the ground disappeared and he was plummeting. Everything was dark and he was moving so fast that any hope of knowing where he was had been abandoned with his stomach on the floor of the boat shed.

There was nothing to break his fall as the darkness gave way to light. Too much light, in fact. The young wizard winced as his eyes tried to adjust to the light. He had landed unceremoniously on a floor of some kind, gasping—breath being knocked out of him from the fall. He shakily got up after a few seconds of catching his breath. Standing from his place on the dirty tiles, Harry found he was in a rundown bathroom. Judging from the pain in his shoulder, it must have literally broken his fall.

Harry felt a strange urge drawing his eyes to gaze into the grimy mirror. At first it seemed normal, but then his reflection began to _speak_.

"That shoulder looks like it hurts. Lemme look at it," Mirror-Harry then began to massage his shoulder for a moment and Harry noticed that his own no longer hurt. "so, where were we?"

"H-How'd you do that?" Actual-Harry's eyes were wide with shock as he moved a step closer to the mirror in trepidation, only to find that his mirror self did not do the same.

"Oh, Harry. I control you," Mirror-Harry was smirking at the non-reflection self. "I control everything about you. You are at my will, Harry Potter." His last words sounded eerily similar to those of Tom Riddle. That voice had haunted Harry since their first true 'meeting' in The Chamber, and now it was coming from himself…

"N… No… you—you don't," his words were slow, unsteady, shaky.

Suddenly his mirror-self raised his fist and slammed it into the bottom corner of the mirror. The glass shattered into the sink on both sides of the reflection. Mirror-Harry claimed a shard of glass from the grimy vanity and brought it down onto his own wrist. Slowly, ever _so_ slowly, the shard pierced skin and Harry watched, entranced, as it cut deeper. So deep that blood was pouring from the gash.

Harry felt a twinge in his own wrist as glass bit into bone on his reflection. Dumbly, he looked down on a whim only to see an unnatural tear in his skin. Not just a tear, but a slice. The same slice as the reflection…

His head shot up as he tried to scream out in terror. Through his panic, Harry could hear his mirror-self speaking. Saying things like, " _See how painless it is? See how silent it is? No one knows or cares or sees. The world doesn't care!"_ and a plethora other dreadful things.

All Harry could hear was ' _himself'_ cackling as he gazed in horror at the mutilated wrist. Then the laughter changed a bit. It got higher and more desperate. He shut his eyes and turned down his head to the sound, blood still pouring from his body.

A cold hand with bony fingers and long nails brushed along his cheek lightly, almost tenderly, before gripping his jaw and digging those long nails into his skin. The hand jerked his head up so whoever it was could look at his previously downturned face. It was Bellatrix Lestrange.

"Is the Wittle-Bitty-Baby-Potter scared to die?" she mocked him with a small frown but her eyes were bright with glee. "Well you should be, because there is no one waiting for you, no joy or contentedness. None. Of. It. For. You."

She released his face, cackling in glee, and turned from him before falling away into dust, an echo of her maniacal laughter left in its wake. His surroundings had changed and he stood in the Department of Mysteries, in one of the long rows of glass orbs. But this place had been destroyed during the battle? He felt a sudden urge to whistle. Raising his pointer finger and thumb to his parched lips, Harry let out a single, high pitched note left his mouth, like he was calling something.

Harry could just see a large black figure on four legs bounding towards him, it had a body like that of a grim, and the fluid movement and agility of one as well. While coming to Harry, the dog would get caught up in his own tail and begin to chase it in circles.

It must have only been twenty feet from him, but then, just as Bellatrix had, the dog turned to dust…

A sudden, solitary, sorrowful sob escaped his lips. He knew who that dog had been, but a different side that person. A side Harry never got to see. One of youth and charisma and innocence. Almost childlike…

Yet deeply damaged.

He felt the pull of apparation on his body like being sucked through a straw, when his feet touched the floor of a deeply hated room. When Remus had been stationed here it had been a truly fascinating place, but when Umbridge took post, it became horrifying.

The witch herself was standing in front of him with that sickening smiling, holding a bloodquill in her stubby fingers.

"Sit down, Mr. Potter." Her tiny black bow wobbled precariously on her curls as she tilted her head.

He slowly walked over to the tiny writing desk that he had served so many detentions at.

"Writing hand on the table," he placed his balled fist on the table lightly. "flat please," he flattened his hand slowly.

She took the bloodquill tightly into her fist and lifted her hand over her head. A rolling in Harry's stomach threatened to rise up his throat in panic.

"You will pay for your lies, Mr. potter!" she screamed before bringing the quill down upon his hand. The quill slammed through his hand in pain that seemed unreal. The tip buried itself into the desk on the other side of his hand. Blood flowed from the wound and poured off the sides of the desk flooding onto the floor.

Faster than seemed possible, blood filled the room up to Umbridge's ankle, still rising. Harry stood and yelled out in a mixture of pain and panic, his cries mingling with the woman's cruel laughter. That laughter, it sounded too much like Bellatrix's…

"Do you think you have learned you lesson, Mr. Potter?" she was centimeters from his face, laughing as he tried in vain to get free of the quill. If he just got the quill out of his hand then it would stop, it had to!

Finally, the quill broke free of the wood and came out of his hand. But none of it stopped. The blood gushing from his hand flowed faster and faster as it filled the room with a vengeance.

He felt blunt fingers grab his shoulders and push him down. He fought the weight threatening to push him into the blood, Umbridge attempting to drown him in his own blood.

He tried. Tried so hard to fight it, but his knees buckled under the weight and sent him falling into the nearly hip deep blood. She grabbed his chin like Bellatrix had and was poised to push him under.

"You'll never learn you place, Mr. Potter. No one needs you and I will keep you from causing any more problems." She had that sickly-sweet smile on her face liked he could always remember, full of cruelty and hatred behind a sheen of pink lipstick.

He didn't fight until it was too late and was pushed under. His futile attempts to breech the surface reaped no reward, and he was only submerged further. His vision was filled with crimson as the fluid rushed into his open eyes.

Just as he eyes were rolling in their sockets and his lungs longed to breathe in _something_ , even if it were blood, Umbridge released him. However, instead of coming to the surface, he sank further under yet the pressure around him started waning.

Cool air surrounded him as he choked on breath.

"Back again, Potter?" it must have been his voice, but it felt strangely like Cedric Diggory's… "you must really like me, huh?"

Harry stood shakily and realized he was back in the bathroom with the strange mirror. Leaning heavily on the sink, Harry gazed into his own bloodshot eyes. They held each other's gaze for a long moment. Silently, the mirror-self took his pointer finger and made a throat-cutting gesture across his neck that left an ugly bruise as if he had been strangled.

Or hung.

A constricting pressure pushed onto the real Harry's windpipe. The constriction tightened and tightened until the only sounds in the tiny room was gagging noises as Harry struggled to breathe past whatever was weighing on his throat.

The Harry in the mirror kept cackling as he clutched his sides in laughter.

Then Harry was suddenly awake, breathing harshly as he laid in bed, covered in a cold sweat yet he felt as though he was frozen in place. He could not make himself move.

It was like he had no control, as if he were being possessed. At the end of his bed crouched an old woman. She looked as though she wanted nothing more than to pounce on him, but she just stayed, alert, on his footboard.

Slowly, it seemed to take forever, he moved his pointer finger and slowly moved a bit more. He looked down one second and up the next only to find the haggish form of a woman was gone.

He opened the curtains around his bed only to find it was not yet light. But Teddy was awake and moving around in his cradle, wanting to have a bottle soon, so Harry lifted himself from the bed with a heavy sigh and went to tend to Teddy.

 _His only hope was that his nightly silencing spell had stayed strong throughout the evening …_

 **TW FREE SUMMARY:**

 _ **Harry has a nightmare in which a version of himself as well as Bellatrix taunts him, he sees Sirius dog form, however, it disappears, and he finds himself in one of Umbridge's detentions before waking up. When he finally does wake up, he finds himself unable to move (I am attributing this to sleep paralysis) and has to wait until he can move again and gets up to tend to Teddy. It is still early when he wakes up, but he is fully awake and has not rested well.**_

 **A/N:** So, we got a visit from so of our ' _favorite'_ characters, and Harry is experiencing sleep paralysis. I did some research on this condition and I know it can happen with you are over exhausted, but I'm sure I got some details wrong. If I did, please let me know in the reviews so I can fix it. I have never dealt with this condition, but I felt that it would occur in this situation with these conditions.

 _ **Thank You and Please R &R,**_ _It matters and I love everyone who comments!_

 _ **HAPPY NEW YEAR!**_

 _ **Special Thanks To jeragon and witchyagender**_


	12. Christmas Eve Magic

Get A Hold Of Yourself

Chapter 12: Christmas Eve Magic

 **January 1** **st** **;**

Harry quickly walked down the lane and into Hogsmeade. Quietly, he slipped into the post office to use their floo connection to get to London.

Tumbling into the fire box, Harry rushed through the floo system and was dumped out on the grate of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. He brushed himself off and hurried out the door. It took longer to floo than apperate, but after apperating every day for nearly a year just to stay alive, he found his concentration waned and was nearly sick when he now attempted to. After the first failed attempt, he had figured it best not to try again.

Harry blended into the passing crowd as he walked through London. It was a dreary day, but that never stopped the dance lessons.

The bell tinkled when he opened to door. Jessica, his boss and the lead instructor, was stretching at the bar and watched him with owl eyes as he came in. She insisted he do stretches with her and at least try some of the dance moves. After a few months of working with her, he could nearly do a full split and was working on a few other stretches. He would never be a dancer, but Jessica refused to let him skip stretches with her at the beginning of his shift.

She claimed that he had the body of a dancer: small and compact, but still strong and flexible. It never bothered Harry, and it felt nice to bring his muscles into tension. In fact, he found that he had begun finding ways of sitting while studying that he could never have done before—and found them to be pretty comfortable.

Unlacing the last child's shoes, Harry stood to take the tiny pointe shoes into the storage room when the bell tinkled again. Jessica's husband and children were picking her up from the studio today. Her husband, Ace, would pick up their twins up from nursery school and drop by the studio to collect Jess. It was cute to see, but most times, it felt bitter sweet to Harry. Normally, he would be gone by the time they showed up or would only pass them on the way out the door.

However, she had asked him to clean up after some kid spilled apple juice all over the floor. The fact that her family loved her and would go out of their way to collect her a few times a week was nice, a fuzzy, warm kind of nice. But Harry couldn't help but be resentful of what she had. He could never resent her of course or any of them, but he couldn't help but feel that tight heavy coil of jealousy build up deep within his stomach.

Maybe it was not what she _had_ , but so much as what it _represented_. And the fact that he would never have _that_.

He had once been the child in this twisted situation he was currently in, had been the orphaned boy because of a war that tore families apart. Had been left at the hands of people who couldn't care any less about him and seemingly had no one that _cared_ about him…. A long time ago…

But now, now he had to be the parent. A parent to a child too similar to him in too many ways… Too many sad ways. He had to be the parent, but he could never give _that_ to Teddy.

 _Because_ that _was too perfect…_

 **January 5** **th** **;**

"Harry, we should go to London." said Luna, looking up from her latest copy of The Quibbler. It happened to be another edition that necessitated flipping 'round to read bits of it.

"What for, exactly?" Harry sat on the floor, legs spread in a very wide V while leaning forwards (a stretch taught to him by Jessica) to measure out his potion ingredients for the next day.

Luna was silent for a long minuet before scooting off the seat to plop down next to Harry, pulling a quiet Teddy into her lap. "Because you need a break, and I want to see London," she trailed off for a moment, probably staring at the back of Harry's head. "and I'm sure there are a plethora of other reasons that I can't think of right now."

She sounded final—as though objecting to her would be cruel and inhumane

"Would this plethora include you already having made plans?" asked Harry, not bothering to look up from his work.

There was a long pause.

" _Possibly," came her casual reply…_

 **Christmas Eve, Midnight;**

Silently, a pair of young people sat in front of a fire, gazing into its crimson depths, a wee babe between the two. It was a serine picture of Christmas. A young couple, so deeply in love, their infant child tottering between them.

The woman gently passes her beloved a tiny box wrapped in red Christmas paper printed with golden bells. He opens it to find a round pendant. Simple in design, silver chain and details surrounding white stone. Smooth with a few tiny veins of blue running through.

'I'm sure you already know what it's for, but I wanted to get you something less feminine than mine.'

'Thank you,' a soft smile graced his lips. His face was bright, but tired—too much war at too young of an age.

The room around them was flooded with the orange glow from the fire, making a luminescent halo around the hair that tumbled down her back in soft waves with a few stray curls in the mix.

 _Not even they knew how much they loved each other…_

 _ **A/N: So, what couple stared in that final segment? Lily and James**_ **or** _ **Luna and Harry? ANSWER IN THE REVIEWS!**_

 _ **I'll leave the link to the necklace in the next chapter when everyone has decided which couple they think it was!**_

 _ **PLEASE R &R! I PROMISE, IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE!**_

 _ **Special Thanks To jeragon and witchyagender**_


	13. Draco's Detour

Get A Hold Of Yourself

Chapter 13: Draco's Detour

To me, and in my life, Potter has meant and been a lot of things. When I was young, he was a legend, merely a story. One told to me by my mother—a woman who had never truly fancied the darkness desired by her family—about a baby who defeated a Dark Lord on a fluke. Nothing more, nothing less. So naturally, it was a shock when I first met him.

This is when the great Harry Potter became something new for the first time. I had no idea who he was the first time we met. I must admit, I had no idea how I was supposed to approach a person who I considered below me. As we stood in that robe shop being fitted, I was a brat. All the pureblood righteousness I had ever been taught spewed out of my mouth and made him resent me.

I know now that although he hated his muggle family, he hated people who thought that they were better because of how or to whom they were born, even more than those awful muggles. He shunned me from any friendly behavior and only welcomed the hate. It was never what I intended.

I shaped his view of the magical world in so many ways… Mother and I spoke over the summer about everything, and I was astonished at the influence I had unknowingly held over him! True, the first night, when we were eleven, I did try, in vain, to persuade him to become my friend. We never would have been friends, even if he has taken my hand that eve, but we would have been _allies_.

Hindsight is twenty-twenty but karma is a bitch, and I now find it sad that at such a young age, I already firmly believed that allies would get you further than friends, and to think, Potter had possessed no friends before that day, yet knew that I would have been a horrid one. A horrid person…

But that's neither here nor there.

For the next seven years after that Welcoming Feast, I would change and impede on this life time after time. _I was a real ass!_

I would force, shove, swindle, prank, prance, and prosecute my way into his life from the tender age of eleven with no regard for anything. Today wasn't especially different. Well, I wasn't impeding into his life, however, I was watching. Watching very closely.

He was acting differently since returning to Hogwarts. Granted, everyone was acting differently since returning (that tends to happen when wars happen), but something was different. Sure, some of the new teachers were being sons-a-bitches, assigning extra homework and such to him, but there was more.

My second cousin was one. Yeah, I couldn't believe it either, but it's true—Harry freaking Potter is the godfather to my second cousin. I don't really care, I've got bigger fish to fry, but the fact that anyone in their right minds though Potter was capable of handling a N.E.W.T.S. level workload, the backlash from the last seven-some years, and care for a tiny human while keeping a regular sleep cycle…. They were nuts!

Or at least that's what I thought until I found out it was my Aunt who gave him the child. Actually, I still think that, I just know that she wasn't thinking properly. Apparently she was having issues sleeping at night and would become forgetful of the baby, leaving him crying four hours, completely unaware that anything was wrong. So she checked herself into St. Mungo's (merlin knows what ward they put her in, for all I know those stupid healers put her in the Spell Damage Wing.) and left the baby with Potter without a thought to the young man whom she had just gifted a human.

Also, if you're wondering how I know all this, my dear auntie decided to write to my mother over the summer. The first contact they've had since my Aunt was disowned when they were teens. It's odd to see my mother send an owl away only to pace hours or even days awaiting a reply, thinking that her sister had decided she was no longer worth the parchment.

But now I'm getting off track! Why didn't you remind me? Never mind…

Moral of the story is Potter was spiraling down a dark past in his head until that obnoxious blonde came to his rescue. I was keeping an eye on him, seeing if he made any suspicious moves. I would easily come to his 'rescue' if he went to a place almost any darker.

Infact, I was there when he took a trip up to the astronomy tower. That place scares me and I know it must scare him too, but for some reason he took a stroll up there and decided to test his balance on the railing.

Gryffindors can be brave, most of them can be stupid (i.e. source of bravery), but he was about to make one stupid move. And it had nothing to do with bravery. And it had everything to do with desperation.

Cruel, stubborn, angry, and dangerous—desperation. It's been a no good dirty liar, cheater, and swindler since the beginning of time, making the best, bravest people, do the saddest, meanest, coldest things.

 _And Harry freaking Potter was walking a dangerous line between being brave everyday about everything and throwing it all away for the desperation of peace. And I don't have to like him to admit that it was hard to watch…_

A/N: so, this should be the only chapter from Draco's POV, but he may be metioned in later chapters. Also, the mystery couple was in fact, Luna and Harry!

Also the link to the necklace Luna gave Harry is below. (you may have to go over to 'Images' when you search to see the picture.)

 _. __

 _Special thanks to jeragon and witchyagender!_

 _An if you're wondering, yes the chapter is named after a chapter in HP:HBP._


	14. A Grim Testimony P2

Get A Hold Of Yourself

Chapter 14: A Grim Testimony P. 2

A/N: sorry for the bad grammar when Dudders is writing, I figured he wouldn't have had the best scores in English class. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Mum!

This is Dudley, I know my writing looks weird, but that's cause they make us use these bird feather things and paint to write with so. I've got one teacher who says that Ill only have one year at Hogwarts. Most of my class aren't sticking around and are gonna go back the normal world. I'm gonna too. I think I get what dads always been talking about. Uni and what not.

I know you don't want to hear about him, but Harry's in my house! He told me the first night not to talk about us growing up together so I haven't but lots of people ask me about him. He was like some sorta savior or something. I didn't get it till m teacher started doing a history unit in class. She told us all about how he'd been born with some prophesy and how he'd faced the evil guy when he was 11! It's weird to hear about it all and then when his friends talk about stuff they did and stuff. Like they were talking about the magic bank and how the bank was angry at them cause they stole or freed or something the dragon the bank had. But I don't really know yet cause my class hasn't gotten to that yet.

But people don't see nothing going on here. Remember that lady who brought that baby? Well harry has the baby now. And I think he isn't sleeping too good. Harry I mean. You know that saying Nana Dursley used to say about her neighbor? Spikey as a frightened cat? Well harry seems as spikey as a frightened cat.

He doesn't really talk to me. He does a little bit when he reminds me not to talk about us as kids but not much else. Sometimes about my homework. And he leaves a lot. I asked some other kids about it and they just said that it was cause of the Grimald place home from kids? Apparently harry wrote a bunch of people he knew of and asked them to go to this place that someone dead owned and finish cleaning it out so kids could move in. this whole magic world just had a war so some kids didn't have parents and some had been disowned? So they had to stay somewhere and this whole house was just fall apart so now a bunch of kids and some adults live there and it's some Mary Poppins home for kids or something. I guess the magic bank didn't like harry much and "froze his accounts" or something. I may have read a little of the letter from the bank.

And remember that weird named girl harry was writing to over the summer? Lunar? Luva? Well she goes here and shes been helping with that home and I think with the baby too. But shes really airhead. All bouncy blonde hair and missmatche socks and beads and stuff. Apparently shes really smart or something and she lives in the other tower but that tower is for the super smart ones but she doesn't seem to smart. Something about crumpled up snorklers?

And that one family who were all red heads? Well there are two of those kids here and both of them hate me and theres this one girl with really dark curly hair and shes been harrys friend since they were first years and she's almost always with the red headed boy except when shes got her head in a book but the red head it the opposite! How are they both harrys friends?

This whole place is scary and my only friends have been with the other kids in my class. Actually theres this one girl who's super pretty and she loves baking and shes got short brown fuzzy hair and shes got a thousand freckles and a bunch of pink on her cheeks and she doesn't even try! I wish you could meet her over winter break! Maybe you can? I don't know but I love you mum!

Love you're Dudders xoxoxo

Dudders!

Mummy misses you so much! I would love for you girlfriend to come visit over the holidays! You will be coming then? They have you learning about harry in your classes? What are they teaching you there! Also, your father misses you! The house just hasn't been the same without you, Dudders. Have they been taking care of you there? You would tell me if they weren't, wouldn't you? And none of Harry's things matter, I just want you to take care of yourself and make sure you do well. You are doing well? And I cannot wait to meet your girlfriend!

Love,

Mummy xoxoxoxo

Mum!

She's not my girlfriend! Shes just in my class and nice. I will be coming home for the holidays! I can't wait! And what do you mean that none of Harry's things matter? And they've been teaching us about harry in class cause he's done a ton of stuff in the magic world. Like, he's saved people and he fought some really the voldmorty guy that we went into hiding cause of and killed that guy too and he was in this competition was he was younger!

But I really think something is wrong with harry. He looks sick and he's always rushing around and he doesn't really talk to people in the halls… like he's paranoid.

Love,

Duddly

Dudders!

 _Of course_ she's not your _girlfriend_. And you just don't need to be tided up in all of harry's problems. That's his problem! You just need to focus on your school and friends. Harry doesn't matter! He won't be coming to Privet drive for the holidays, will he? I hope not…

His issue are not you problem. Do you hear me Duddley? I don't want you to get tied up in his issues, he's no good for you, dudders. Steer clear of him. He won't do you any good. And if something were really wrong with him I'm sure his friends would notice.

But do you really think you'll go to uni? That would be fantastic, Duddy!

I Love You More Than The Moon,

Mummy xoxoxoxo

Mum,

I really don't understand what you have against harry. He doesn't intend on coming for the holidays or going coming back ever…. At least that's what he said. We learned a bit more about him today. Remember that murderer that got out a few years ago? Well that was harry's godfather and the guy was actually a good guy! Like, him and harry were close!

And the girl in my class won't be coming to visit over Christmas break. Her family lives north and they're gonna have a big party to celebrate her grandmother's birthday.

 _Love you mum,_

 _Duddley_

 **A/N:** So, I know that was a little awkward, but…. Idk… I kinda wanted to bring him back into the story… he is gonna stick around throughout all three parts of this story as a very minor character. Sorry if you don't like it, but he's been in the story since the first time brainstorming over a year ago (jan. 2017, when I was desperate for something to write, but didn't _want_ to write…).

Also, yes, duddley is concerned, but yeah… he kinda brushes it aside after a few assurances and scolding's from his mother. What do you guys think?

 **Please R &R!**

 _ **Special Thanks to Jergon and witchyagender!**_


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